For those of you who don't know, I entered the program with someone a little over a month and a half ago. We went to our first meetings together and got our chips together. We talked about how much better we were feeling, and discussed the newness of sobriety. We talk every day. He calls to make sure I'm awake in the morning. It was getting hard for him to make it to the same meeting as me because of his work schedule, so I've been seeing him less and less. He said he was still hitting meetings when he could find one, and calling his sponser (a man from my home group). I've been fearing that he would drink or had been and tonight he did. He left me a message while I was on the phone with my dad. I called him back and talked to him a little and told him to call his sponser, because I have no clue what to say. He kept apologizing for calling but I told him I needed to hear it, because next time I get the urge to pick up, I'll remember how miserable he sounded. I told him we're all just as close to that drink. I told him to get rid of the alcohol. He's kept a full bar at his house because he couldn't bare to pour it down the drain. But he actually bought the beer on the way home. He says he doesn't know how it happened. I guess I could say I'm shocked but I'm not. And I feel horrible about that. I didn't think he was working a strong program, but I kept that to myself because it's not my place. My sponser even told me that maybe we were too close, and then I realized I wasn't working MY program, I was working OURS. So I've been pulling away, and doing things with the women in my homegroup, and doing my step work. And I seriously was afraid he would drink. I even suspected it one morning when he didn't go to work. I feel so guilty about those thoughts even though I know I shouldn't. I called my sponser right after I got off the phone with him. She knows him. She talked me through and I felt ok shortly after. Shouldn't I feel worse? Shouldn't I be freaking out? Crying? But all I can think is, "Thank God it's not me." I guess I"m having "survivors guilt." Oh man....I need some experience strenght and hope about this. What happened the first time a friend slipped?

Not knowing what the hell to think,
Rayna

PS-At first I was going to call my AA friends because that's what we do right? But then I was afraid my motives weren't right, that it wasn't my place to tell them, even thought their in my home group, so I didn't call anyone. Is it ok to call my friends?