Many, many times I have been like you and not had any words to explain, and noone to speak them to so all i have written is SCREAM!!!!! in diaries. It has felt at times that i am actually screaming an inaudible scream, perhaps so filled with pain that it cannot be heard by the human ear.

The first step is writing that word - SCREAM!!! and attempting to communicate. I have found having people in this sub-forum respond, even those that are just a hug or a 'i hear you', extremely helpful. I really hope you find the same. It is nice to feel heard. You're right sometimes there aren't words but i don't think we always need words to communicate how we feel. Personally i'm a fan of the ! and *** buttons

Self harm is not bad if that is what you are referring to in your post. It isn't bad or good, it isn't right or wrong. You are not bad, wrong, or weak or anything negative for self harming. There are various reasons why most people self harm - to release emotions, to feel real, to communicate something that is impossible to put into words. Can you think of the reason why you self harm?

I don't want to tell you not to harm yourself because although i don't want you to hurt further, i understand that place where no words do the pain any justice. So i hope it simply helps that i hear your scream.