I've been frozen in my behaviors for many weeks now. Whenever I have free time - breaks, lunch at work, or after work and on weekends - I do the same behaviors. I play solitaire or read the news online - always going to the same 2 websites - often a dozen times a day. That's at work. Away from work, I eat, watch TV, sleep, and re-read books I've read before.

I can't seem to do anything else - even though my room is a nightmare at home and I have dirty dishes in a corner of my office at work that have been sitting there for 3 or 4 months. I can perform my job and pay bills. But everything else I need to do or want to do is on hold.

What I want to be doing is exercising, cooking, eating right, writing a book, organizing and cleaning, having some cultural experiences. I have friends I would like to communicate with.

I feel just awful when I do the same routine over and over - knowing exactly what I should be or could be doing. Often my head aches a bit and my breathing is shallow. But even that is something I can control.