Whereas wanting life to be fair would be a waste of emotional energy, wanting your respect certainly is a worthy desire.

Depression messes with the search for respect, especially self-respect, but that search is worth the effort. I wish I could report I've been successful in that search, but I can't. Whatever internal boost or warmth come from recognition or praise passes quickly without trace, and I again find myself in the middle of that grey, foggy sea.

In my case, the pain of lacking self-respect is lessened primarily by not thinking about it at all, and secondarily by medications that make it easier not to think...