I was better off when I was in the dark and had no idea why I was such a flake and could never really get anywhere in life. Now I am a zombie, but it isn't from meds. It's from a complete lack of caring about anything anymore and when I do begin to care about something it hurts so badly that all I can do is cry.

I can't get anyone to understand the depth of the depression I am in and when I try to explain it they say I am beating myself up over small things, I have to change my thinking and that my meds will kick in soon when I am up to a therapeutic level.

I would rather disappear and sleep. Looking back I have been in a depressive episode for over a year, with a few nice days and occassionally week thrown in.

I am tired and I only got my official diagnosis in June.

I have been up and down so many times over the last 15 years and maybe longer. I just want some relief. This past episode has done me in.

I am not even making any sense right now.

I am sorry for being so negative all the time. I'll stop posting till I feel better.