Hello, it's been a while.

I'm up against the wall again, dealing with this stupid bpd problem.

I've been trying to get a new support system to help me deal with some life issues, such as the death of my aunt, who was like a mom to me, and the loss of my best friend, who has turned his back on me in my time of bereavement.

The people that I have been reaching out to have basically been confronting me on my neediness, either by flat out telling me that only God can help me, not them, or by telling me, like one person put it bluntly, "I can't be your emotional tampon!", or by just plain ignoring me.

today I just broke down and cried with complete despair.

G*d, I hate myself and I hate bpd!

It makes such an ***** of me, such a horrible, horrible person out of me, so that NO ONE wants to have ANYTHING to do with me, not even the most PATIENT, NICEST individual!

One of my friends even said to me that Commander Data from Star Trek would self-destruct if he had to deal with me! And he's supposed to be this unemotional android who isnt' supposed to affected by anything.

Well, I'm glad to be back, and I hope I'm not the only one who's frustrated with this.

Billi