Yes, exactly. I do crave constancy, yet I keep driving it away. People can only take so much crap, you know? And the everyday cycles of life seems to compound into a deep sense of futility. I have a hard time dealing with the realities around me. And I desperately try to escape, but how does one escape from life, yet continue to live (not in any way a threat, just an existential conundrum I grapple with in my head alot).

Listen to me? Can I get any more self-centred? And so dramatically at that?

Nothing has changed for me. I live in my head, practicing this illness prescribed to me (quite accurately, I should add), and I never move forward. I am stuck in this cycle of emotions and overwhelming thoughts. It's so freaking tiring! And boring. And lonely. I'm so very lonely.

That's probably the worst part of this illness for me, the loneliness of mind and heart and body... It separates me from everything in life. How can one not help but be depressed?