thanks, everyone,
and i meant like... academic intelligence, im not really a particularly smart person in other respects :/
and i totally agree with you, but school - especially maths - was something that i could DO and be proud of, before this.
depression has stolen my passions, my aspirations... i cant care about anything any more, and that hurts. my life is just utterly empty and nothing matters, i cant remember anything mattering any more. just... guilt. just pain. just numbness. thats all my life really is now.
on the "something stupid" part, ive got more things that i think need to be "put away". its humilliating, demeaning, painful to admit, but i know that i probably have to. maybe if theres nothing else that can hurt me, i wont keep trying to find ways to.
thanks guys,
x