tears
Thank you KimmyDawn, RhysMadison, Cat eye, Deirdre, MacD and Esthersvirtue for being there yesterday when i needed a friend so much.
Nothing has changed today- i haven't hears back from any Ts that i called and the other forum is still closed to me. They probably will never have me back and i probably shouldn't go but i miss my friends there. tears.

About going inpatient- my T always reminds us how i can't go inpatient at his hospital anymore. i had a horrific time there and they won't take me again either.
i wish that T wouldn't ever say that- it reminds me how he doesn't try to help me- i always feel so left out of his schedule and care. i was stuck at that hospital with an old lady dr that put me in solitary confinement for almost all of thirty days. My parts totally freaked- i had no one to be. i remember not being able to move because of being so upset inside and the staff there taking my blood pressure- it was almost gone because we hurt so much we had to leave there. They wouldn't allow us to sign out so we left - the only way we could. My parts wouldn't come forward to live and i couldn't move. It was Terrifying- understatement. i never want to be in that situation again but T talking about how they won't take me back-as if i could ever forget that- is uselessly hurtful to me. Why does he not care about how much he hurts me?

i'm one of the few pple that do a lot worse when i'm away from my surroundings- we only live in parts. Without a place for parts to live- there is no identity at all and we become very worse very fast. It hurts so much to be in that condition and there's no support person. tears. T wasn't a support for me then either.

Now T asked me to make an appt with him until i could find someone else 'if i still want to do that. ' i want to but how can i trust T? We're so hurt.

Everything is so bad. i cried before God , i need help . i still don't know what to do- i don't want to see T. we're way too upset. tears. It hurts so much- what happened at the other online support place. It's so dangerous to trust and go to places for support when they can decide not to have me when we really need support the most. we're so so so tired of everything always caving in all the time. tears. It's always like this- being an adult never changed anything- we're still in the same situation- disappointed and hurt because everyone we trusted didn't care about us.
so tired of being alone with my parts, begging a T to take me. i don't even want to do it again- we're always left like this. Going to therapy when you have parts is so unequal and painful. There's so much to lose- my sanity when the T doesn't care and hurts me on purpose- and not much to gain unless you happen to find a caring T that knows how to help. i wish someone could pm with the name of a caring T that has time to take me. i don't know where or what to do.

Thanks for being there,
kerria