Oh, wow...Dolph, I am so sorry you are going through this.

Reading what you have just posted immediately placed me into exactly where the mentality is with my hub.

Unfortunately, due to how my present situation is with hub, I have little positive to offer you, as my experience has not resulted favorably. In fact, we are divorcing. However, that does not mean the same will result for you...heaven forbid.

I tried relentlessly for years to carry the burden of fixing what we BOTH needed to attend to until it eventually completely burnt me out.

During those years of my fixing, I have received counselling & support and began to show improvement for self, which of course, he resented because he was threatened by the growth of my inner strength.

I'm convinced that he knew that the longer I received counselling, the stronger I'd become, and the more he would have to contend with his own responsibility for his unwillingness...(for whatever his reasons).

He views counselling as a means of weakness..that he can deal with his problems (if he had any..lol), by himself and doesn't need to "waste" money for someone else to tell him what they 'think' they know...omg...lol.

He has issues long before he even knew me, yet, to this day continues to hold me responsible for, anyway.
Early in our marriage, I wanted so badly for us to work out that I even attempted to carry his guilt..and try to fix what I had absolutely nothing to do with...how desperate was that? Took me 15 years to finally say enough's enough. And decided to begin to move on.
Once he realized that...THEN he decided to consider that mayyyyybeee couselling is a solution. With that acknowledgement of his, I told him that the ONLY way for us to be salvaged was for him to obtain counselling for himself...BY himself. Reminded him of that a few times. But his actions told me where his heart really was..certainly not in us.
And although he said he understood that, he still has yet to act upon it....(even went as far as to ask me to find him a therapist AND accompany him)...Uhmmm...I don't think so, mister. These are YOUR issues..which do NOT involve me.
I realize that I may sound harsh, or even numb to his situation...Perhaps that is because I AM...and haven't forgotten that HE put me there, (and of course, I allowed him to). Still, this is his cross to carry...(I'm still pulling out the splinters of his cross that I tried to carry for him).
Eventually, I came to terms with the reality of the origin of his issues, (which, btw, was the source of what created mine..had never the need for counselling before him). And realized that I can only be responsible for my own self. Once I began to act upon that reality, he felt threatened by it..began to discredit any and all therapists and my need for them. He was a little boy scared to death that he would have to face the fact that I was progressing and he was not. He knew he was losing me...yet, the fool would still defy acting upon any reslolution to keep me. His loss.

I'm not saying that this is your case, whatsoever. I suppose what I am trying to say is that you need to care for yourself FIRST and foremost. It sounds that, if left up to him, he'd only continue to discredit your need for improvement as a means of not having to deal with his own.
Don't abandon yourself as a means of a hopeful attempt to attend to his, (or for the two of your's)..it just doesn't work that way.

I can only hope that your situation is far from that of mine. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.....but it sounds so familiar.
I can only advise that you continue focusing on yourself, as it seems that he is fully aware of your improvement..yet feels threatened by it.

Unfortunately, there is no way you can make him seek the same goal as you are (regarding counselling, or improvement). He is fully aware of what it offers..heck....he sees what good it's doing for you, even though he is acting as though it is an inconvenience, or possibly creating issues for the two of you.
I wish you only the best...and that by some chance he does come around and begin to help you help him BY taking responsiblilty of his position in the marriage before it is too late.

I wish you the best. Keep us informed.....

Shangrala