Its been a while since I posted. I guess that is good. But today has been a bad day. All day long I've been the butt of every joke. And to be perfectly honest it hurts. Don't get me wrong I enjoy a good joke like anyone else. But not at someone elses suspense. It hurts. I know I'm not the most pretty, smartest, funny, thinnest person. I know that. Trust me I know. No one has to tell me. I could give you a thousand things wrong with me. People say its just a joke. I'm just kidding but it hurts. I don't think its funny. I don't think its a good joke. I don't think its funny. I feel like every time I get up on my feet and finally get some what secure someone comes along and knocks me down. I wish so many things. Sometimes I wish I could fake my death and go to the funeral in disguise to see who acttually cared. WHo cared enough to show up. Who cried for me. Who said something nice about me. I'm so sad and hurt. Why would someone say something hurtful about someone they claimed to love. I feel like I have this sign on my back that says "treat me like crap. Its okay, really go ahead be mean to me". Sometimes I want to go and stand in front of a 360 degree mirror to see if there is a sign on me somewhere. I feel so alone.