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Jul 15, 2009, 03:19 PM
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Member Since: Nov 2008
Location: Illinois
Posts: 77
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I went what 4-5 months with out cutting. Longest i went except for thoes 6 months. Yesterday evening, I relapsed. I dont know what triggered it. I dont know what happend. I just cut. I miss the pain. I miss the pleasure that i get. I miss the blood. I dont understand why all this i should miss. I shouldnt miss all of this, but i do. And all the after effects like when it stigs and burns from water. I just dont know why. I smile, but i shouldnt. I was doing so well. I was keeping strong. I had methods. I had supports, I was able to cry for once.
When I cut I cant cry. It just doesnt happen for me. I guess I dont need crying when I cut.I guess I dont need ager when i cut, I guess I dont need to show any type of emotion when I cut. I dont even need to be happy. who is happy when they cut. I mean who is truly 100% happy whn they cut. deep down inside truly happy. We all have our sadness. We all know we are hurt. We arnt broken, we arnt damaged. And we arnt sick. We just dont know any other way of coping, and this is our way, and for some of us we smile when we do it, and for some of us we cry. But we are all hurt inside.
I guess with this time my relaps was me punishing myself for all my mistakes during the past week. I got 3 tickets. And got into one accident. with a parked car. So I cant drive anymore. So I guess I was punishing myself for all my mishaps.
Last edited by Christina86; Jul 16, 2009 at 11:21 AM.
Reason: added trigger icon
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