I called the office earlier, they said my T will be in this afternoon, so I'm waiting for her to call me back. I told her on the message what I've been thinking of - not details or anything, just enough so she'll know it's serious.

I don't really care about going to the hospital, but there's no real solution in it. As long as things look so bleak outside of medicinal help I'll only keep playing out this cycle until I'm dead or institutionalized. The only thing that keeps me here is my family, but ideas play in my head as to ways to hurt them less in it, their pain won't be enough to keep me here forever. So then what? I need God's intervention, that's all I can figure.

I wish they'd told me when my T will be in... waiting on this is difficult.