Thank you, Christina.

I had a bad night last night.. I felt really guilty for causing all my friends, including Connor, so much trouble.. Connor has tried so hard to help and it seems I just keep throwing it back in his face by just.. Having something else go wrong.

It's been about 3 weeks since I was put on the AD's and no change has happened yet. I'm hoping these ones will help because all the others just made me worse. *sigh*

I know normal is a label.. I guess I just want to be the person I was born to be.. Not the person I am now. I've already discovered the pit getting bigger and deeper. Everytime the ED voice has come back, it's come back with even more of a vengeance than last time. Ughhh.

If I cry around Connor, he begs me to tell him what it is, so I feel I have to tell him then.. Sometimes I don't tell him all of it, I just tell him what I feel I can but then again, sometimes even I don't know why I'm crying... I got given flowers by a friend yesterday and it put a huge smile on my face because I hadn't expected it and flowers always cheer me up and make me feel special. I remember Connor buying me flowers about a year or so ago. If I had them given to me every day, or every week or whatever, they wouldn't have the same effect, so it was nice to have a friend come to see me with flowers, saying "you're such a great friend and I think you deserve these more than anyone. You deserve to be the happiest girl in England" I almost cried! But it was a nice surprise and brightened up my day.

That doesn't mean to say, though, that my night was any easier. In fact for some reason it was more difficult. Today I feel really ill. I woke up feeling sick and horribly tired and just didn't want to go and do breakfast club at all, but I knew I'd feel guilty if I didn't go -- I felt guilty for even thinking of not going! I never let myself have a break, I know that I've split the week up with Ellee doing breakfast club twice in the week too, but that's only because I always have something to do on the days that she does it, so the only time I really get to have a lie in, or a day in bed to rest my body and rejuvenate myself, is a Sunday and even then I always wake up early which is annoying

I feel so exhausted and tired and blahhhhhh! today