Thank you, Christina.

I had a bad night last night.. I felt really guilty for causing all my friends, including Connor, so much trouble.. Connor has tried so hard to help and it seems I just keep throwing it back in his face by just.. Having something else go wrong.

((((((((TPND)))))))))))))) Don't feel guilty. That's what people who love us do, they support us when we're feeling crappy.

It's been about 3 weeks since I was put on the AD's and no change has happened yet. I'm hoping these ones will help because all the others just made me worse. *sigh*

Here's to hoping it works. They say 4-6 weeks to reach maximum effectiveness.

I know normal is a label.. I guess I just want to be the person I was born to be.. Not the person I am now. I've already discovered the pit getting bigger and deeper. Everytime the ED voice has come back, it's come back with even more of a vengeance than last time. Ughhh.

I understand. Don't go back to the pit though if you can help it.

If I cry around Connor, he begs me to tell him what it is, so I feel I have to tell him then.. Sometimes I don't tell him all of it, I just tell him what I feel I can but then again, sometimes even I don't know why I'm crying... I got given flowers by a friend yesterday and it put a huge smile on my face because I hadn't expected it and flowers always cheer me up and make me feel special. I remember Connor buying me flowers about a year or so ago. If I had them given to me every day, or every week or whatever, they wouldn't have the same effect, so it was nice to have a friend come to see me with flowers, saying "you're such a great friend and I think you deserve these more than anyone. You deserve to be the happiest girl in England" I almost cried! But it was a nice surprise and brightened up my day.

I like random flowers and presents too!! As for the crying, sometimes we don't know why we're upset. Really! Not really abnormal, especially with depression.

That doesn't mean to say, though, that my night was any easier. In fact for some reason it was more difficult. Today I feel really ill. I woke up feeling sick and horribly tired and just didn't want to go and do breakfast club at all, but I knew I'd feel guilty if I didn't go -- I felt guilty for even thinking of not going! I never let myself have a break, I know that I've split the week up with Ellee doing breakfast club twice in the week too, but that's only because I always have something to do on the days that she does it, so the only time I really get to have a lie in, or a day in bed to rest my body and rejuvenate myself, is a Sunday and even then I always wake up early which is annoying

Self care first. If you can't do the breakfast club, then call in sick. Really, you're allowed. Unless you're trying to get out if it because you don't want to eat - which is another thing altogether.

I feel so exhausted and tired and blahhhhhh! today