What follows is me talking to myself while reading your post. It's not advice; it's just food for thought.

Good question. Personal Opinion: When it comes to something as complex and mysterious as human beings, even the best of us can only dimly appreciate what's up. How much more so when we're trying to understand ourselves. Nevertheless, I believe it is possible, through careful observation and counsel, to gain practical and useful insights.

OK, this is an identifiable problem. Lack of sleep can be a life-wrecker. Here one needs to deal with both the immediate symptom and the underlying causes as best one can. You need and must get sleep. Without proper rest, your ability to make sound judgments and to deal with problems is impaired. Of all the stuff you mentioned, my personal advice is to give this priority.

Loneliness is painful at any age. Based on what you wrote, it seems your current lack of close friends comes from natural developments and even from a healthy bit of self-knowledge and self-respect on your part. It's hard not to "follow the crowd." In your case, you conclude - rightly I think - deep down you're not like the people you've been accustomed to following. But this is the dilemma: to go with them would be to deny who you are, yet to go your own way, even if it's a better, more self-authentic way, means walking alone for a time. Even if what you're doing is better, that doesn't mean it's any less frightening or painful.

Ouch. Fear I can appreciate somewhat (although I don't for a second pretend to understand what your personal experience of fear is), but I don't understand what you mean by "disbelief."

This is the overarching, long-term issue, yes? Were I standing at those crossroads, I would seek the honest advice of several "agents," including those who knew me best.

Peace and Joy to you.