Quote:
Originally Posted by _Sky
Twice in my life I've been forced to reevaluate "friendship." The first was when I was injured and became total/permanent disabled. The second time was in 1992 after Hurricane Andrew changed the landscape and moved most everybody everyone knew into another place.
I used to have a pretty carte blanche definition of "friend." What I realized from the above situations is that it didn't fit. It didn't fit everyone, it didn't fit every circumstance. (I guess I always had it fit for "me" and that was that.) When I lost all my friends after the injury, and began to rebuild the base, and then lost those friends ...due to the disaster... I found that by making new definitions of "friend" allows me to have them.
I used to hold a friend title very dear, as that was someone who no matter what would drop everything to come help you (like I used to be, and still would for some people I know though they won't for me.) I had various words, such a "acquaintance" and "colleague" for others.
Now, I allow the use of "friend" for all of those and more. I don't expect to find someone who will drop everything for me if I need it. Losing that expectation allows me to open up friendship to more people, and not feeling disappointed because they don't measure up... the measuring fits most now.
Did that help explain? Sometimes we have to adjust our expectations. And really, making friends with someone who is paranoid in any way, is going to be difficult. Good wishes!
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Sky,
I think I understand what you're saying a little better. I believe I have too high expectations for my friends. Especially the one I've been talking about. I don't think she "measures up" based on my definition of what a best friend is.
Another friend at one time said that if I ever needed him to just call and he would drop whatever he was doing and come help me. He said he had the rest of his life to do whatever he needed to do. Guess what? I called him later and asked for help, but he was busy with his own life.
I have a tendancy to think in concrete terms. If someone tells me something like that, I take it literally.
Dwayne