(((((((((((((Catgirl))))))))))) I am so sorry you are struggling. zh made some good points, especially the one about when you get to 100 pounds. Will it make you happy for real? I so totally understand what you are saying and I struggle so much with the same kind of things. My t asked me once, at what weight would you be happy? And I finally realized that at no weight would I be happy. I just keep thinking thinner is better, but it's not about the weight. Eating disorders are always about something else. I hope you get some help working out things. I wish you only the best. Please take care.