I was kind of the same when I was 17. I didn't want anyone to know emotionally what was going on. I had to "keep it together" for myself and others around me. I still have a hard time asking for help. Even though I've had long term depression since I was 7, I didn't ask for help until I was 20...then I had a bad meds reaction (Paxil is evil in my opinion) and swore off any drugs for life...still not in therapy. Tried therapy at age 26. Stopped it. Got more depressed. Got meds at 28 (almost 29), still not right a year later. Started therapy again a couple of months ago. That's the short version anyway. So, asking for help isn't easy and I relate.

I took a year off after high school too. I went to Brazil for 2 months, took a trip down the Amazon. That was a memory no one can take away. World travel is tres cool. I've been to London, Paris, Rome, SE Asia too, along with Canada and Mexico. There's no substitute for being there in person and seeing how close together we are...other countries, cultures, languages. It's difficult to judge people after you've seen the world. I notice people come out of their travels more tolerant, more alive, more understanding of individuals and groups. I'd like to live somewhere in Europe or maybe the northern Mediterranean. Can't wait to leave again.

Good for you! Hang in there. You've got a lot to look forward to. But I still hope you can find some help in the very near future. Don't like that you are hurting.

I'm such a wuss. I had to get my blood drawn today at the urgent care and I cried and hyperventilated like I always do. Hate, hate, HATE needles. I close my eyes before they even get out the equip and don't open them again until the bandage is on.

Stay in touch, chica. (I can say that, I grew up in LA )