Well im 19 now and i know i have a long life ahead of me but for many years now, dont know how long but i have found out i seem to end up fancying gay men. I am a straight woman, i have had a few relationships with straight men, my last relationship was with a man who was bi. But it seems that i always find myself fancying gay men, when i try to flirt or something with straight men it is always always sex orientated and i really dont want a relationship all about sex, i find a lot of straight men so annoying and arrogant.
Now i am not a lesbian i am straight but sometimes i feel myself thinking about having a sex change just so maybe i would have a chance, i have never been a girly girl, always a tom boy, i rarely wear make up, and well do girly things.
My brother is gay, not that i fancy him that is just very wrong, over the years i just find every guy that i really like is gay and it turns out to be true.
And honestly it truly is getting me down, i start to feel so lonely, im not the prettiest thing in the world i truly arent but i try to look after myself, i do try but any decent straight lads really dont look my way.

When i was 11 and since then i have always been fairly depressed, not to the limit where i need to take medication but i have tried to commit suicide a couple of times when i was younger not because ot the gay thing but because of the bullying i got through school, even though i try so hard to put it behind me it often does come back up.

i just dont know what to do with myself anymore