Nobody can give and take equal part in a relationship until they have an individual identity or self. That's the problem I have in my marriage (19 years) - I wasn't ready at the beginning because I had never had the opportunity to grow up and to discover who I am. I wasn't able to really be alive without that, and haven't been able to get enough space within the relationship to do it now. His difficulties might very likely go back to before his first marriage. Filling in the empty space with another relationship keeps him from facing himself.

Every relationship does have two sides. What are you getting out of this, or what have you in the past, or what were you looking for at some point? What do you need now?

I'd also like to point out that relationship counseling, or individual counseling, doesn't always mean you are staying together. If going your seperate ways is best for you, then that is what will happen if you go to counseling. Counseling can still help both of you and your daughter to make it through this transition as smoothly as possible, and to discover what it is that all of you need and how you can all support each other, no matter what happens.