Shangrala by the sounds of this, I think that you have already grieved over the relationship, and your husband hasn't. If you are telling your husband to get his needs else where, than in your mind it's completely over with. Shang's husband I think Shang is telling you to move on, because she is unable to give you what you need. Then if she was to stay in the relationship the both of you would not get your needs meet. She's trying to tell you that she is unable to fall in love with you again. If your wondering why she is in a different place then you, it's because she was where your at a while ago. Meaning that she has already grieved over the end of the relationship. Since your not into any kind of therapy you could read John Grey Books. He's that guy who write's Men are from Mars Woman are from Venus. I read a lot of these books to understand why I was going threw all the pain with my divorce. There is also a site on this, and it's just like Psych Central. I wish the both of you the best.