Hi Shangrala
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Originally Posted by Shangrala
Hi PPatty~
Isn't it unfortunate how some view marriage seemingly as more of a legal dating contract than devoted vows that have soulful value?
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If you are referring to the very dismal statistics of 2nd and subsequent marriages, it would be interesting to know
why these fail at such a high rate.
Perhaps the parties don't take the marriage vows as seriously the second, third, fourth, etc time around???
Or...
Perhaps there are some (and considering the statistics of failed marriages.. there could even be a large number of people) who are not cut out for marriage??? Just as it is true that everyone cannot possibly be a professional sculptor, musician, or a baseball player???
Or...
Perhaps marriage is just a doomed and outdated institution???
After all... when one thinks about it... marriage has only been about love for the last 2 to 2.5 centuries.
Before that, it was an arrangement to bolster or maintain one's (or that of one's family) financial and/or social standing/power. Love
did exist, but it typically was a byproduct of an arranged marriage.
Also... many times women really had no choice but to be married because economically speaking it was impossible to make it on their own.
So yeah... I don't really know what the answer is... as to why the divorce rate is so high now.. but it is an interesting topic for study and discussion, nonetheless!
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For me, marriage is sacred. However, I do not believe that one should sacrafice one's soul for the sake of carrying that marriage to the old misconception of the "for better or worse". However, that does not mean to bail out at the first sign of trouble, either.
I simply cannot accept the fact that a person must relinguish his/her sense of self for the sake of another who is not willing to carry their responsibility in the marriage. In that case, those vows have lost the value along with the partner who will not honor them.
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I agree with you on the 2nd paragraph.
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And yes, imo, it takes an incredibly unique bonding between two persons involving a vast age difference, (regardless of which gender is senior/junior), to carry the extra weight of what that kind of relationship WILL entail in order to survive it....A weight that Krisitan and I WILL endure, regardless.
I think too, though, that much of that extra weight is applied because of how society views it. It is the opinions of others who compound the issues...adding a great unnecessary burden to the exisiting issues that that couple must already deal with.
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Perhaps... but I also think that many people (not all) start to see how the age difference negatively impacts the relationship too.
For example, I have seen a few 20 something women marry guys who are in their 40's.
While these marriages "may" work ("may" being the operative word here)... as the couple grows older... and the woman is in her 40's and the guy is in his 60's... she "may" start to see things as:
"Gee.. he doesn't understand me. He's in a whole different generation."
or...
"He's no fun anymore. He's always tired or not feeling well."
And he "may" start to feel the same way as in:
"She doesn't understand me. She's in a whole different generation."
or...
"I'd just like to relax, I am tired.. but she wants to go here and there. Why can't we just have a quiet time at home?"
And pretty soon... they begin to have less and less in common and the marriage eventually just comes to an end.
Anyway... it's JMO... but I don't think marriage whether its one's first or eighth (like TV and radio host Larry King, lol) is supposed to last forever, anyway.
I think people are sort of like trees. We are always growing and changing throughout our lives.
And speaking from my experience of growing up on a farm, two trees typically do not grow very well
over the long haul if they are planted too close together.
Either it is one tree that grows at the expense of the other or they both fail to grow well.
Likewise... IMHO, people are like this too.
When I see a marriage that has lasted for 50 years or longer, I often wonder which person had to do the most sacrificing in order to make the marriage work.
And that's why I personally think a long
and happy marriage-- where both parties are
EQUALLY happy with their lives and the choices they made, is such a very, very rare thing.