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Elysium · Jul 19, 2009, 02:58 AM

So Overwhelmed.......

I don't understand myself!! I have been looking for a job to get me back into my career field for the last six months. I have been struggling to pay bills and am on the edge of a financial and emotional breakdown due to the stress of being unemployed.

So...I finally accepted a temp two month Nursing position which may lead to either an extension in the contract or being hired by the company I am temping for. Good for me, right!!!! Yay!!!!!

No Yay!!

DONDE ESTA EL YAY????????

Where did my relief and happiness go? Why did it go? I am so tired!! I haven't even started orientation yet and I am overwhelmed....and scared. I'm terrified that I'm going to get into this place and fall on my face. Fail again. Not be able to keep up.

What really bothers me is I am going to be responsible for peoples lives and well being, which I don't mind.....but, RN's are so overloaded with patients and it's non-stop, no time to slow down, no time for breaks. We show empathy to our patients, yet our employers don't show empathy to us. They give us too many patients. So many, we can't keep track. We feel useless....like we are fighting a war that can't be won.

I don't want to be back in that position again. I don't want to be in a position where I don't have a minute to pee, let alone get a sip of water, or take a deep breath. I don't want to be in a position where I can't escape if it gets too much for me. Where I have to take care of everybody elses needs accept my own!!

I feel so selfish and guilty for feeling this way. Why can't I just feel happy and excited about my job, instead of anxious and terrified. I do love being a Nurse...but I don't know if I can handle sacrificing my emotional and mental health because the hospital administration wants to fluff their bottom line and short staff us to the point we take more patients then we should ethically be allowed.

I'm so tired. I just want to run and hide somewhere....and never come out.

Why is it always two steps forward and three steps back? I just don't know.....anything.