((((((((((((Melbadaze)))))))))))) I understand. So many parts are created to either repeat what they (we) have been taught or react to what has happened. T has said here that there is a part of me that is quite angry to the point of being kind of scary. She said she takes the most gentle care of her as that part is so angry and so scared and just trying to survive what she has dealt with in the childhood of this body.

Parts of us --- parts of me --- I have had things happen to me that should never ever happen to a child (as have many here). It's so hard for me to connect what happened to the body and parts of my brain to myself. Because of that, there are indeed parts that want to hurt. That wouldn't have been a safe thing to do or even react to as a child though so I guess that's why nothing was ever done except finally escaping.

That said, T said there is a part of me that doesn't have a clue about what happened to the body (as I don't for the most part). The difference between me and this part (I do not know if there are more) is that I seem to be affected by the past and have depression, etc. But that part of myself, according to T, doesn't seem to be. She is happy and ignorant of her surroundings and her past. Our conclusion is that perhaps she was formed to carry on when it was needed for me to be oblivious to the abuse so that I could continue on- with school, friends, etc. She has no knowledge of anything bad. She smiles and talks about things from that time of my life. T said she is also stuck in time, as are many of my parts.

Sometimes I read posts on here, happy posts, posts about people playing games and such. Sometimes it hurts to read them and it's confusing to me. I want so badly to be able to play, to have fun. But I don't know how and the parts of me that perhaps do, don't go on the computer. I guess even if they did, I don't know that I could tap into that feeling of joy.

I'm so sorry if you are feeling the same. I think (well, I am hopeful at any rate) we can gain that in time and therapy. Please hang in there. It's okay to post other than happy game stuff here. We understand. I think everyone here understands or at least tries to.

It's good to have you here.