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I'm am not very appreciate of their "new leaf" that my mom and step-dad are turning. I can't believe that my mom actually expected me to call my step-dad my father. I told her that he IS my step-dad because I WANT there to be "step" there. Then she tells me that "the relationship goes both ways and not always to your benefit." I don't get it. It just makes me so ANGRY. What exact benefits would I get if I'm his daughter as opposed to his step-daughter!? He can think of me as his daughter if he wants to, I'm okay with that, heck, it makes me feel flattered and loved...but that's his choice. To me, I only have one father, and one mother. I've already talked about this to my to-be step-mom and she says that she'd never expect me to call her mom. It's not like I don't love him or anything...and at this point I've known him since I was a little kid, it's not really about those things...it is difficult to really explain.
On the plus side, they aren't talking about religion so much. (Which triggers huge unbearable amounts of pain and rage that for some reason they just decided I'd have to deal with instead of making the sacrifice of the relatively small amount of time I see them during a week in the grand scheme of things for the past few months)
On the bottom side, they seemed to have realized "in our effort to be the buddy parents we havn't taught our kids life lessons!". It's not exactly fun having everything you were supposed to gradualy learn trying to be shoved in your face at once. In an effort to "become better parents" they have changed well...a lot of things. They went from the laid back parents who you could confide in and feel supported with to well...what they are now. It's like they are trying desperately to become a solid and structured family unit (hence: mom wants me to call my step-dad "father") which is like taking everything I've ever known about my dynamics with my family and flipping it upside down and shaking it by it's ankles for spare change. This would be 10 times more tolerable if my step-dad wasn't so "blunt" and "loud" as my mother likes to dub. It seems like my own lack of years and life skills is taking the blame for everything like the door to their room being left open or an empty pudding cup in someplace that is not the garbage (both of these are true accounts, and niether of them were my fault, and my step-dad decided to act as though it were).
My mom keeps talking about how "communication is key" but I honestly don't see the point of it anymore. My wish that things would just be back to normal will probably never come true, because they are clearly wrong then there is no reason to change, so I just got to adapt. I'm not communicating how I feel to my step-dad because quite frankly I'm scared he'll just emotionally hammer me into the ground with his "blunt" and "loud" and "passionate" comments.
They aren't really wrong. Nothing that they are saying is really wrong. But it's a different way of dealing with things. A way that is definately not one size fits all. A much stricter and more structured way. I'm a square peg, please do not try and fit me into a round hole.
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