((((depressedalaskan))))

Thank you for your post. It does make alot of sense.

For me, I shut down and push friends away because I am trying to protect them from all I am going through. I am so afraid that they will get tired of the way I am or not want to hear. So I beat them to the punch, and put up a protective wall for both of us. Sometimes at the same time I am pushng them away----I am screaming please do not go----only they do not know this unless they really know me. It is me that shuts down not my friends. I am so scared at times that it is all I can do.

I hate depression and all it does. Makes me immoble at times. Sometimes I cannot even ask for help, I cannot even pick up the phone to call anyone, and sometimes, depression convinces me I am nothing and no one would care anyways. And the masks do get so heavy from all the coats of paint that we seem to put on it everyday. I get so tired of trying to hold up the mask. But I get so afraid of others seeing me so hurting.

dps