Grace,
Thank you for being so brave and sharing this. My heart goes out to you and your hubby on this one. Your mother sounds a little like my paternal grandmother. She held my dad under her sway until she died at the age of 95. Sometimes I think she even reaches out from beyond the grave.

I read all the responses to your post and it sounds like you've gotten some good advice already. Bringing it up with your therapist definitely sounds like a winner.

My experience with most control freaks is that they will squeeze their victims until they get what they want, they become distracted or bored with the game, *or* they realize their control mechanisms aren't working.

What is the payoff for your mom in this scenario? Does it require your cooperation? What would remove the payoff for her?

I wish you the best with this. Congrats on the success you and your husband are having. I wish you both continued success.

RM