(((((Sky))))) Thank you so much for writing.

i know that you and lots of people here understand what we're going through and face hard things like this too. It's people IRL that don't understand- i wish there were someone on my side. Sometimes it doesn't even feel like my T is on my side. He knows how hard a time we're having but never is able to make it easier for me.
we can't go to the group by ourselves. Probably if we did they would say we couldn't come. Everyone knows my T there. When we were inpatient there we had such a hard time. we were placed in isolation, my parts had no one to be- no way to ground because we didn't have an environment to draw out their identity- and we fell apart very badly.
Since then we're known as the bad patient i think. Or a hard patient.

i tried to write a note about it. The problem isn't that the part at work doesn't know but that she won't say it . It's hard to explain because i don't really know why she can't. It worries me that maybe we don't want to have the surgery and there isn't cooperation to have the surgery. There's nothing i can do about that either. i hope that T can help, i see T one time before the surgery and i hope that he can find out.

we know some things that parts do - like an overview i think. Mostly i know because t talks to them and i listen every week. We can't journal because it's too upsetting. i want to try. there isn't enough support IRL. T only sees us once a week and we need to go twice at least. Every dr i saw thinks so- the three Drs i went to see to try medication and the Drs in ERs that i went to in crisis during the past three years-about six- eight times- they all know i have DID. My parts live in the outside world, not just inside. There isn't ability to hide it anymore .
i can't just tell them to 'go to sleep now,' and things like that- there isn't the person in charge to do it. They can't hear me talk all the time. Some parts get through- i don't know. We need help doing it.
If T said it from the outside , it would be easier . Everything is just so hard now. We're upset about so many things. Even though i know a little of how some parts feel and some of what happened, it doesn't always help because parts don't think of it the same way .
The part at work would feel like she was lying , it would look to the supervisor that she was just trying to get out of work and there was no surgery.
Maybe what i should do is bring in the dr's checklist for instructions for surgery and maybe she will show it to the boss. i don't think so- it's an invasion of our privacy and i KNOW that it will upset me at work. It's hard enough already.

i don't know what to do. It's not my fault- please don't blame me. Everything is so hard. tears. i wish someone IRL, like my h , would understand and not blame me. It's a major step of faith just to go to work. i have to try to do that now.

There are other important things that we're planning for this weekend for our family. we need someone that understands to help. that's my prayer now. i can't fall apart any more.

Thanks so much for being there (((((Sky))))) and (((((SarahL))))) Thank you for prayers.

Love,
kerria