i could have written zen's original post and this one too. is it fear or fatigue? it feels like fatigue but even more like fear. the odd thing is, when i absolutely have to go out, i often enjoy it (although the whole time looking forward to coming home), but even just the anticipation of going out saps the life out of me. people can be exhausting. isn't that actually true?

good for you for planning your three outings. i know how difficult it is. if you find you can enjoy them, maybe it will snap a cycle.