Tree, you were great!! You did it! You were there with him, and you were able to describe the experience here, so you weren't spaced out! I'm almost crying; I am SO happy for you!
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There was this one moment where all of a sudden everything felt so...open. My mind relaxed, and everything looked beautiful for a second. Usually when I diss out with T, everything looks scary. But instead of scary eyes, I saw flowers in the pattern on his carpet. Instead of being triggered by the light coming in the blinds, I saw dapples of pretty light. It seemed like there was more air and more light in the room.
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This is simply beautiful!! Even though it was one moment, look at the potential. I think you will know have many moments like this.
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I need to read it myself. I need to get it out of the third person and make it about me, not "some little girl". I need to do a lot of stuff.
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I can relate to writing something you think is shameful and bad, in the 3rd person. Something happened to me when I was about 6, and I didn't acknowledge it until I was in my 20s and in therapy for the first time. I wrote a story about it, also in the 3rd person. When I read it, I too thought of it as being about that "little girl", not about me. I even gave her a fictional name. It took a long time until I could accept that it was about ME, not "some little girl", just as you wrote. But it did happen to me. just take one step at a time. No rush with this.
You definitely are NOT pathetic, horrible or bad. I'm sure lots of people on PC will tell you the same thing. You're very brave and wonderful, Tree!
