(((((justfloating)))))
I can really relate to what you wrote. Last week when I went to the psychiatrist the insurance insisted I meet with, I was very worried that I would have to fake it a bit since I have been feeling a bit better lately and then I got into his office, and believe me, I did not have to fake it, as soon as we started talking I burst into tears and did not stop until the session was over, I felt so stupid the whole time I was with him, someone I had never met and here I was crying like a child. Since then I have realized that I am really not doing as well as I thought and that I need more help than I thought. I could not believe my reaction in his office but I have come to think that there was a reason for it. I hope this makes sense to you...
I have a special friend also and when I am in his company, hugs and understanding help me a lot. But when he leaves I am back with my thoughts and fears.
I hope you feel better soon and do the things that will make you feel better. You are also very hard on yourself, be good to yourself, you really are a wonderful person and you matter