Thanks Webber,

It is not terrible for me the host (as I write this), but deep inside somewhere it has been unending awful for little girl parts who were forced into this horror. I just so wish they could come up and demand to be heard and cry and fuss and scream their rage and fear. I WANT THEM TO HAVE WHAT SOME OF US ALREADY HAVE. THEY ARE IN HELLISH SUFFERING AND FIGHTING THE ONLY HUMAN WHO IS TRYING TO HELP THEM ESCAPE. I want it soooooo badly for them and I am powerless to give it to them or lead them to it.

WHY CAN'T THEY BELIEVE US WHEN OUR T TRIES TO HELP THEM. WHY... i want it so much words won't tell it. Their misery, shame, guilt, despair and deathwish are harming us all physically. i just don't want to die when we don't have to, but they just think they have to die and they DON'T. it is not their fault and God doesn't hold them guilty. I hate so badly being helpless to help them. damn.damn.damn.damn.damn...i'm so helpless and i'm supposed to fix things and keep us ok. i suck at my job.

Just called my T and asked to come in an extra time this week. we need time for the littles to feel safe and once a week has not been enough to get to them and not spook them. so maybe I don't suck. I called and asked for what we need and my dedicated T gave us a time tomorrow early.

WOW... I just found out my last know predator who was the one who actually took me from my cousin's bed to the rituals IS DEAD. He let his own two daughters sleep and took me to indescribable fear and suffering I have no other living perpetrators as far as I know who were at the rituals. No one who harmed me from my mom and her family are alive anymore including my brothers and uncles and grandfather. They are gone. Thank You God.

numb but grateful,

some of me's