Hello, Didntaskforit! I've been staring at your exceptionally well-crafted questions. Occasionally, while staring, I thought about what I was looking at. Here are a few of those thoughts, the more coherent ones anyway:

Of these two, it may be more valuable to focus on your fear of being hated/disliked. People are more apt to "like" you if they perceive - that is, pick up on cues - you are comfortable with yourself.

Have you thought about why this is so? It may be that only an expert therapist ($$$) could really dissect this. If it's too hard to answer, go on to something easier. Remember, you don't have to have complete self-knowledge in order to be happy and functional.

Substitute "myself" for "them" in this sentence, and you've pretty well described me. As for you, let's work this inside-out and backwards.

With lots of work, you may be able to shape your feelings in various situations. I suggest working on the actions you take when confronted by criticism; it's easier and more practical. I find feelings are far less controllable than actions. You can practice actions mentally beforehand.

What are the ways you actually "take it out on them" (no need to post your response)? Is there any pattern to the ways you react? Do you do the same one or two things each time? Can you imagine more appropriate responses? Can you practice them?

The Criticism: Why are people criticizing you? How often do they criticize? Do they criticize you for the same things when they criticize? Can you identify one or two things about yourself you could easily change or modify or hide that would defuse most of the criticism you face? (Again, no need to answer to anyone but yourself, and you don't even need to answer to yourself.)

I imagine everyone needs to find a way of getting along with the people physically nearest them in order to make happiness possible, and those people are usually family. Why have you come to feel your family (all? part?) doesn't like you? What are the actual signs you're reading as "dislike?" Could you develop a plan to change your family's perception of you, a realistic plan that wouldn't over-tax your reserves of physical and emotional energy?

Someone else - please help Didntaskforit with motivation. I've flunked this repeatedly.

Hopefully folks here who have had the benefit of professional therapy ($$$) will offer you ideas and techniques. I'm too medicated to let my anger out often, and then I usually turn it against myself.

I'm tempted to reply "yes/maybe," but I don't know. Some people have worked wonders with themselves by going their own routes. Others have spent years in formal therapy and treatment with little to show for it. It's all very individual.

I wish you the very best! May PCers with lots more to offer find your posts and respond.