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Catherine2 · Jul 23, 2009, 12:29 AM

[quote=Orange_Blossom;1081935]* Orange raises hand and asks a question*

How can I stop being so hurt by people who tell me (in their own "nice" way) to get over it, let it go, and move on?
OB, I have to be honest...they are not being nice.They are being rude and judgmental in my opinion.
Telling you something like that is re-opening wounds; you are going to be very hurt by it.
Please don't doubt yourself or think you need to meet their expectations of when you "should" move on--it's none of their darn business.
jmo, of curse

Especially when new issues are triggering old memories and feelings? And even though I intellectually get it and it makes perfect sense to do that -- I am struggling right now and the last thing I need to hear is "move on." If it were that easy.
It's not that easy, my friend. Take yourself out of the race and do it in the way you know is best for you. Best For You, not them. "Intellectually get it..." It's more important that you honor your needs and the grief you are going through...
When your heart/spirit is ready is when you will move from the acute pain into the lessor pain of living one day at a time.
We have no guarantees that any of our days are gonna be just wonderful...we do have the chance, though, of doubling those moments of a wee bit of relaxation and hope.
Please don't let anyone live in your head rent free...easy to say and sometimes hard to do. But it is so very worth it to keep taking back our power, one kilowatt at a time.
I understand everyone comes to (PTSD) class with different circumstances and degrees of horrors and traumas, but I find it confusing when people offer me advice on something they might have experienced in their own lives (death and grief for example) BUT know little of the effects of MY long-term childhood trauma via sexual, physical and emotional abuse among other wacky issues and how they are all tied in with death?
Heck, I would be confused, too!
What worked for them is good, it does not mean it will be that way for you...we can't compare experiences. We can share what helped us, but telling you they think it's time to move on only serves them...
I know they are coming from a loving, supportive place and mean no harm, but all I hear is "shut up or I'll give you something to cry about" etc.

Tell them to KMA.
Meaning no harm doesn't mean it doesn't harm...
Jmo, but what is happening is not "tough love." You are not demanding anything, you are asking for help and support.
OB, you have no control over what has happened as far as the deaths, they have come fast and hard and very close together...the fact that you are still standing is a testament to your determination, and I know you may not see it.
You are dealing with all of this and other things and they tie in together, and you are doing the best you can.
You know what? Your Best Is Good Enough, my friend. It Is Good Enough and don't let anyone tell you differently.
One part of me wants to scream and take them back (like the Ghost of Christmas Past and Scrooge) so they can see for themselves WHY I feel/react the way I do. There's a reason!!!
Don't waste your energy. If they don't know by now? I don't think there is much chance they will...
The other part feels horrible that I feel that way.

Guilt/Shame are wasted emotions that hurt only us.
There is nothing wrong with being angry, you've been deeply hurt. You didn't retaliate and you are trying to give them the benefit of the doubt...perhaps recognizing that your anger is justified will...hmmm
'Course it's also difficult to feel anger and accept that it's all right for us to feel angry. Sometimes I think we stuff it over and over again.
I am getting better at not "staying in the muck" too long and recognizing what triggered me, but I still go there and NOT because I want to! I'm NOT "clinging" to my past nor do I want to stay there!
I believe you and I believe in you...please believe in yourself. You are expressing yourself so well! Almost every word is speaking of my own weaving in and out of frustrations and disappointments.
If I could stop my feet from lifting off the ground and slamming me back in time to relive it all again, I certainly would. But I can't. It just happens.
And I don't know how I'm supposed to just "let it go" like they want me too. It's making me feel like a big pain in the butt and stupid for not getting it. (Old tapes, I know)
Very old tapes...and could I please have that bat so I can give it to FedEx??

I hope you feel an iota better after getting this out in the open...keep getting it out, please.
I'm working hard at trying to rid myself of the creepy stuff and sometimes I wonder if staying at PC is hurting or helping.
And now I feel guilty for saying anything.

It's most likely hurting and helping, one day is all right and the next is crap. Like irl therapy. In real life period.
But you have made some good friends here who are not going to abandon you. Don't let a few spoil anything for you.

Speaking out for yourself is not a reason to feel guilty, at least not in my book.
So many emotions are overwhelming, and guilt is the most familiar to us...it's not easier to feel but it sure is in our comfort zone, though.