anxietygirl: I feel so bad as I writing this, but I truly hate my 18 yr old son.

We recently went through a difficult phase with one of our children who was smoking a lot of pot. Whenever they did, they'd become manic and then they'd exhibit the kind of behaviors people do when they're in manic states: self-absorbed, grandiosity, foolish and risky decisions, stealing, no regard for consequences. There were times I found myself wondering -- who was this person? Whoever they were, I didn't like them very much. At the same time, I could acknowledge that they were struggling with their own life and trying to find a means out of their own pain using the limited life skills they had acquired. It's also possible that their problems are related to something more, possibly bipolar disorder.

In our case, our child crashed and we were able to be there to help them pick up their pieces. They're off drugs now and in therapy. They still have a long process ahead of them and its still possible that they may actually have bipolar disorder. Regardless, life is a lot less stressful, less painful, and less heartbreaking than it was while they were in a manic state.

I can only hope that something similar happens for your son but I can also recognize that you're at the end of your rope. It seems to me that you love your son although you don't like the person he is right now. You're afraid he's going to become like his father and you're out of hope and resources. This is a good time to find sources that can reinforce your strength so you can do your best to be strong for him. People do go through difficult times in life and regardless of how old we might be at that time, we all benefit from love, understanding and support. I sincerely hope you and your son are able to find that in others and in each other.

~ Namaste