(((((((((((((((bether))))))))))))))))))

Yeah, I'm not crazy about those words either. Or, I do think that some of those words describe something - like transference does describe when we bring feelings from the past into a relationship we are in currently - but I don't like when they are used to de-value something that is so intimate and personal.

I am positive that my T loves me, and I know I love him. Those feelings are not transference. We are two real people in a real relationship, a relationship that is intimate in a way that is different from any other relationship. We genuinely enjoy each others company. And he is helping me heal, something he is passionate about, and something I am so grateful for.

There IS transference in our relationship sometimes. Sometimes I start assuming he is thinking or feeling a certain thing, and it is totally tied to the past and not to the present. Or I get angry at him, and the anger is old anger, not really about something he has done. That transference doesn't make our relationship any less "real", any less than the transference that comes up sometimes with my husband, or my best friend makes our relationships any less real.