I'm sorry... my brain still isn't working properly enough to look at people's responses and respond and stuff. I'll come back as soon as I can and do that... preferably when I can actually concentrate on my own issues. To cope with stuff, I usually just wind up helping everyone else and focusing on everyone elses issues. (I am SUCH a good little codependent! )

I'm still emotionally numb. I had a pdoc appt today.

I bawled my eyes out. That actually helped a bit.

I see my pdoc again next week. He seemed concerned about me, since I never cry. I hate crying. He said that if I wanted to, we could discuss the abuse stuff. But that I didn't have to if I didn't want to.

He did tell me that he feels the abuse stuff basically has ruined my perceptions of the opposite sex (true!) and that it was worriesome because at 23 years old - I've had ONE boyfriend (which I won't say except to say, he's messed up and I'm messed up and I was a rebound. OOPS) and have never kissed a guy (YEP!) let alone any of that romantic/sex stuff....



I love pdoc for wanting to help me. Especially since I told him I've got no friends I can talk to about this. (My regular "go to" friend about stuff has decided he wants boundaries and stuff and wants me to stop depending on him. I'm basically limited to contacting him by email 1x/month unless I see him in person for whatever random reason). Sigh. And all of my other "healthy" friends are busy/on vacation/not here. And the less I say about the five billion one sided relationships with friends in my life, the better (I give, and give and give and they take. It's at least predictable like that)

I bawled over the fact I have nobody to talk to.

I showed up in my PJs! Yep. I was too fed up with the world to change.

I slept afterwards at school. It ... didn't help, probably. But then I ran into a friend who bought me coffee and we chatted for a while. That made me happier.

I haven't eaten much today. Actually, I had macaroni salad and the coffee my friend bought me. I don't know if I'm eating again... maybe, maybe not.

Sigh. I feel like I've come apart over ONE STUPID FREAKING APPT.

:headdesk:

Lesson to learn here folks:

(From Homer Simpson, "The Simpsons")