Peaches,

I think my not wanting to cry in front of my T is a mixture of both the crying and being vulnerable part. We were always harrassed for crying in our home. My dad would make fun of us, so I resorted to only doing it alone in my room.

I think a bigger part is being vulnerable, it's scares me to really open up like that. It just feels like I am giving up control or something, it's so hard to explain.

I did bury my face in the arm of the chair in session one day and ball my eyes out. For some reason I just could not hold the tears back in that session. It was so unexpected. My T was great about it though. She sat right on the floor next to my chair, rubbing my back, talking to me, trying to get me to look at her. I didn't look until I stopped crying but she continued to sit on the floor near my chair for awhile even after I stopped.
I have only done that once in the 7 months I have seen her.

There are so many days where I feel like I can do that but I just hold back and don't allow myself. But most often I go there with the intention of staying strong.

Exoticflower,

Thank you!
My T told me she was very happy that I sought out my school counselor as well.
My school counselor told me she would have responded so differently to me bringing up the changes in time and how it was affecting me. She told me she would have addressed my feelings formost. She would have said something like, I'm so sorry that you sat hurting with this for so long not being able to tell me ect. She said, your T wasn't just having a bad day, there was probably more to it than that. She was happy that my T had tried to make things right after that.
She told me that I need to choose to take her at her word and trust her that if I can't then I would remain stuck. That if that were the case to let her know because she knows of someone that she really likes whom she could refer me to if needed. I told her that I am going to try to trust my T and work through this.

She wants me to let her know how things go.
You are right they are human. My school counselor T told me that she battles with things internally sometimes as well and really has to say it's not about me, it's about my client and what they need.

It's really good that things are working between you and your T! Sometimes getting through those ruptures makes a huge difference.

Treehouse,

Thank you, there certainly was something comforting in her sharing that with me. I even put that in the email I sent her last night. That it allows me to see her as human.

Somehow, it really helps with connecting as well, at least for me.

Dreamseeker,

LOl, if I find something out I will let you know.
I also do not express anger, I usually internalize it. I told my T that I really don't know how to do it. Growing up I always told myself I would never be like my dad, he was always so angry. He was abusive as well. She said something about me being afraid of it and how we need to work on that. That its really ok to feel it and important.