I'm so miserable it's making me feel physically sick. Every so often, I feel like I've been punched in the gut -- all the air whooshes out of me, and I need to stop what I'm doing in order to catch my breath. I've been swallowing over a lump in my throat all day. I want to cry -- I think that the release would feel good -- but I can't, and that's making me even more miserable. I feel like there's this pressure inside me, building and building, pushing outwards from my chest, scattering my thoughts and making it hard to so much as walk to my room. I laid down on the couch after work today because I simply couldn't keep myself standing anymore. I feel like I'm suffocating, like no matter how many breaths I take, there's just not enough oxygen in the air. All I want to do is curl myself around my misery and sleep, sleep and sleep and sleep, free of thought and feeling and this horrible inability to function.

It's getting so hard again. I don't know what's happened. It's like someone's flipped a switch and all the colour has melted out of my world. My body's gotten so heavy, I can't sleep through the night without waking up several times and when I get up in the morning I'm so exhausted I can barely haul myself out of bed. I'm distracted and it's getting harder and harder to fake that I'm all right for the sake of the people in my life who don't know how depressed I am. I'm not sure how to tell the people who do know about my depression that's it's back with a vengeance. I was doing so well, I don't understand what happened. All of a sudden, I feel like I don't belong to myself anymore, like my life has been ripped away from me by some terrible outside force, and I don't know if I have it in me this time to take it back.