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Crew · Jul 24, 2009, 12:19 AM

******Possible Trigger*****
Please Do NOT Read if your upset!

My name is JM and my new job is a Healing Helper for ThaCrew. I have felt like I have a weight on my chest. I had NO Support even from the doctor I see. He said, "if you want to be comforted and cared about go see a social worker". Isn't that terrible or is it just me.

Were alone in this world, yes we live with a family but they aren't our family...been looking for real family all my life. There isn't anybody else that we can see. Social workers that know were DID think it's all neat or the art teacher said, "Oh, I know what DID is, I looked it up in the dictionary." There for they know who I am. I am thank full to this site because ppl read this and now you know I'm JM. To know we went through so much and then every single day I am reminded that we have NO outside friends, since new to UPstate NY from Oklahoma.
WE DON'T Fit in and I do mean everywhere... The only reason we know we do here I just feel ppl are trying to be nice which is nice.
When we do the chats esp. grounding and DD chat all the treatment centers we went to and ppl we met, you learn but it's been years since. We tried to get into a local pysch place but because we were in a wheelchair they couldn't help us! We don't matter...Am I depressed NO
I am not. We are awlful ppl but I can tell you our system cares and if you ever want to know who you are talking to ask....if they don't want to tell or being shy like our kids they will say Crew but ppl (alter) want to be seen and heard. I don't see myself as an "alter" I am a person just like Cassey is were not alter's but when explaining it helps outside ppl understand a little bit.
Then...our old T wanted a relationship just with the guys stating she wasn't a lesbian. I was like 9 then. It caused all kinds of problems and even though all the ethical things happened ethically..she wouldn't have anything to do with kids and girls. Then she had us sell all our stuff and now she doesn't want a realtionship, so now I had to sign a paper stating she was my landlord. I heard someone say I thought you invited me into your family. well family is a trigger word, so of course were NOT going to accept it like normal ppl. So now we have no one. I don't know if some of the girls like men and we don't know but the trust thing is going to be hard to trust anyone.
Then we can't get our the car is goner and were in pain but we like to go, go , go despite the pain because of everything that happened to us, everything wrong with our head, neck spine and it's because of extreme abuse that were in a wheelchair and no the abuser got away free. It's not cheap to be poor in a whelchair where everything breaks.
Then I read or hear how many alters they have and its 20 and 2 and 14 we have presently 163 personalities that they repeated the "sodium amatrol" truth serum, they can count the personalities. I won't put down how many there were of us when we were first dx! It is scary to Post!
Thanks for your time and maybe you'll hear more from me.
I just want to take the body someplace where were loved...Thanks for reading and maybe someday I can talk about the loss of our children.
Thanks for yoru time JM Crew from ThaCrew

Confused and extremely afraid...and ALONE, it's different inside