I know we have discussed at times how our spouses either support or don't support our going to therapy.

My H would often attack, get defensive, and tease me about seeing a shrink. In the beginning these attacks would often derail my therapy, cause guilt, shame, and I was constantly questioning everything that came out of my mouth both in and out of the therapy session. Actually me using the past tense here is inaccurate, because I still filter and screen my comments even after 2 years; just the filters have gotten more porous.

Many times even now I avoid expressing certain feelings or withhold key information during my therapy because I don't want to risk violating my H's privacy or sharing things about him without him knowing it or being able to tell his side. Basically, I think, "if he were talking about me, would I be upset with him for sharing X?" Since I am a total freak about my own privacy, a lot of the times my answer to this question is "YES!!!!!" so I avoid discussing certain things.
Unfortunately, therapy being therapy its hard to get to your own issues without exposing some of your partner's issues. So over the course of my own therapy my T probably knows a lot about my H and some of his problems. She says its OK, its all part of therapy, its a safe place to voice those things without it really going beyond the room. That she doesn't judge him and that Ts know they are only getting one side of the story. I still feel bad about it. EVEN though, my H DOES NOT have the same privacy issues that I have.

He tells his health care providers EVERYTHING.In fact when he saw my T once gave her full and unrestricted permission to tell me anything that happened or that he discussed during that session.

He seems to also have no problem telling others about me either..(Until recently that is-Our discussion the other day indicates that he now DOES seem to get that I want my stuff kept private and is trying to honor that.This is a MAJOR improvement in our relationship. And yes I did tell him that.)
ANYWAY...

Now that my H is also in individual therapy with his own T but at the same facility, I'm kind of dealing with the disclosure of private information from the other side.

The other day H was telling me that his T was asking him about me and what he knew about my childhood, parents, background. H acknowledged that he worried about what I would think about this. H said most of what he said was..."I don't know, we don't really talk about that." Or "I have no idea about that." IDK, I think H may have been wanting me to tell him things about the past. Unfortunately, my mind was kind of focused on "OH crap...here we go they're talking about me and how weird I am and trying to figure out why." Although I didn't say it out loud, inside the fear just started to surface.

On the outside,I think I was very calm and relaxed. I didn't want to get defensive and derail his therapy like he derailed mine. I wanted to support him so I let my intellectual self handle this discussion.

I acknowledged that I've encountered similar difficult discussion in my own therapy. I simply told him what my T told me,"Talking in therapy is not gossiping. Its supposed to be a place where you are free to share your perspectives and views on things." I kind of admitted that his discussing me and is perception of my problems makes me uncomfortable, but that its apparently a necessary part of the process. I basically tried to say, "It's your therapy, what your T thinks of me is irrelevant to me, say what you need to say to get help for yourself."

The intellectual me really sounds grounded, secure in who she is, and completely FINE with the fact that I'm currently the topic of his therapy.

The thing is...in reality the stuff that came out of my mouth was total BS. I was just re-phasing the BS that my T has told me.

I know I said the right things to support him and basically gave him permission to talk about me to his therapist. But inside, my paranoia is playing and not listening to my intellect that is saying...this is OK, its what needs to be done to help our family and our marriage be healthier.

But..the all parts of me are not buying into this rational point of view.

I'm just interested in how others with similar privacy issues and insecurities have worked through this issue.