Thread: I'm worth..
View Single Post
 
Old Jul 24, 2009, 05:47 PM
ExiExi's Avatar
ExiExi ExiExi is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Nov 2008
Location: wrong planet
Posts: 518
Thank you for your kind words. I really appreciate your replies. I hope they help.. but more likely I'm wasting everyone's time again.

Quote:
Is there someone you can reach out to?
No, unfortunately there isn't.

In fact, I've tried to talk to someone many times.. It was pretty long time ago. My parents didn't get me - they just said I wasn't depressed and to stop being a crybaby. I went to therapist with my SO who then started seeing someone else and never called me again (was T's advice btw). Then I lost two friends trying to reach out to them and two more thought I was all negative and weird. Now that I avoid driving they don't really want to see or hear me. I was everyone's free taxi cab and rollercoaster. Co-workers.. some of them are nice to me but my boss thinks depressed people are dangerous. I heard him saying really bad stuff about person with mental problems. Stigma is still very strong here.. I hate this ****d up place.

Quote:
Could it be that you need a meds change? Or a doc change?
I'm not on meds or in therapy - terrified of local docs and hospitals. But I understand that I would benefit from therapy and antidepressants.. just as from euthanasia or brain transplant.

this next part can trigger (SI)
I'm not asking for advice - they are just thoughts.

I used to cut, burn, pierce etc. at younger age. I'm worn out, losing hope. Urges came back suddenly. Can't stop but think that it would actually help, although it's clearly a trap.. on second thought, everything is. If everything goes swimmingly, I might even get it over with.. and stop being a burden.
There is also a chance that someone will notice and help me. Very original. Right.