I have thoughts like this also...and it terrifys me...I moved my daughter back to her fathers because I keep having these uncontrollable thoughts...but everyone have their vices...but meditation has helped me alot and focusing on something other than myself...I am currently seeing a therapist who hasn't ruled me with anything as of yet...but the feelings are so strong that i develped aniexty...so you are not a lone and you are not crazy...but I would seek professional help to get talk to someone about you thoughts...