chaotic, as you know, I did some couples therapy with my H with my individual therapist. My T is trained in family systems so is able to see different members of and different groupings within the same family. I have told my T a lot about my H (now XH) but because of his training, he is able to not let that bias him when he was with us as a couple. So much of my individual therapy was about helping me leave the marriage, that it would have been impossible for me not to talk about my H. I needed to do that in order to heal. My T is bound by confidentiality so he can't go talking about my H to other people, so I can trust anything I share to stay in the room. My XH currently sees his own T, I found out not too long ago, and I assume he has talked about me. I expect that. I also expect his therapist to keep what he shares in the room. There are things I have not shared with my own T about my H, to protect him I guess (such as sexual stuff). You know how guys are about sex. Since my T also saw both of us outside of therapy a couple of times a month, I just didn't want my T to know my H's sexual problems--like maybe my H might seem less of a man in T's eyes, or something like that. I'm not sure of my own thinking on that.... I don't think it was critical to my own individual therapy that T know those details.

I feel I should be able to talk about anyone or anything in therapy if I want. We are protected in that room. For example, I have said c**p things about people I know who are T's friends or colleagues, and T has handled it well--not getting defensive at all. (Poor T!) Sometimes, because he knows those people in a way I don't, he is able to give an alternative viewpoint. But he has never gotten angry at me for bashing people he knows. (Not that this happened often, but my headstrong male ego state took an instant disliking to someone T knows, and we did explore in depth in therapy what this ego state's problem with this guy was. As it turns out, now I actually kind of like this guy, but at the time, my male ego state wanted to deck him. Dontcha just love our "parts"? )

chaotic, I think it is great your H is seeing a T. And it sounds like he is making some gains. Good for him. (Good for you too.)