Vett,
I agree with Mj. Guilt is a useless emotion. Feeling guilt and staying with that feeling will get you no where. You aren't able to move on with a load like that strapped to your back.

I also agree with Heather. Your good days are starting to level out your bad. You have changed alot since first coming here. You started out just in pain and stuck in your rut. NOW you are sharing with us and talking about things and searching for ways to make what you want to happen really happen.
I also found out you have a really great sense of humor :O)

So, you made mistakes. You made lots of them. Your gonna make more. You are human. You can learn from it and move ahead a wiser, stronger man. Work on forgiving yourself and continue growing. You know what you don't want to be and alot of us see what you can be. We like you :O)
Hugs,
Heidu

The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.
John Ruskin