Oh WI ! I am so sorry you are feeling so exhausted, and torn. I agree with zh 100% - his true colors WILL show ! YOU are their Mother - you have joint custody, therefore he is not "LETTING" you see them, you have that right. Please hang in there and FIGHT for what YOU know is best for them - NOT to live in a home that is so structured they are scared all of the time, being HIT by their Father, etc. We are here for you !!!! If I could come hold your hand thru this I would !!!!
Keep on keepin on !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!