Exactly Chaotic, thats how I feel alot too. Sometimes a few tears do come but I hold back with everything I have from actually letting them all out flow, even though inside it feels like a flood gate is waiting to be released. I'm not quite sure why that is; my T tells me all the time that its totally ok and normal to cry. That its actually good but I can't seem to allow myself.

She reminded me that one time I did let alot of tears go on session and I survived it. That I was still able to move on. That came after me telling her that I felt like I would lose control if I let to tears flow, and that they would never stop.

My saddness hits me more after therapy as well. I can sit there and be a total mess inside and not let my T see that , yet inside I am feeling it and so wanting her to know but am afraid to let her. There is something about being alone with it that gets to me. Yet, when I am with her, I have a hard time letting the tears out. It can be so confusing.