(((((((((((((((multipixie))))))))))))) It's so hard when we make choices to practice self care and then have to pay not nice consequences. It's hard enough to choice self care in the first place sometimes.

I struggle with social things as well. When I do go, I'm told I have either become very social or a fly on the wall (I guess depending on which part of me is present at the time). Even when I stay present in those situations, I sit so far outside of myself that nothing can get me.

I don't have any answers, but I do understand the dilemma. I hope you find some relief soon.