Hey Stars!
It sounds like you are adicted to this guy, and as such you will have to deal with this kind of addiction, just as you would alcohol, drugs, etc.
If you dont want to talk to anybody about it, do some research on your computer, buy books, etc.
its a lot more complicated than this, but you can start doing something about it, and first of all you need to open up anddon be afraid to tell people that you are being abused by someone that supposed to love you, but of course thats part of the addiction to love, its letting someone walk all over you, break your spirit, crush your dignity, slashing your soul, breaking your heart, destroy your life, play with your feelings and spit on them...
That pretty much describes the addiction to love, it hurts to know but, sooner or later you will have to deal with it or just like any other addiction, it will simply destroy you and kill you, slowly but surely...
Hope you wake up soon!!!
Good luck!
Beatriz